candycoatedwaterdrops

2011-11-12T09:42:00.000-08:00

..now the lesson's learned. I touched and I was burn.

I think you should know.

2010-11-18T22:02:00.000-08:00

I'd stay even if she mattered more than I did.

She's a very lucky girl who doesn't see the goodness she's in.

You're a keeper, always have been.

You're not jinxed. It's just, the things people want, they change with time.

And you were at the right place at the wrong time.

She must mean a lot to you. She must.

"Something always bring me back to you. It never takes too long..."- Sara Bareilles

your reality

2010-11-14T06:09:00.000-08:00

I remember writing a post back in a very long while, about how and what my ideal guy would be. And I remember that then, I had the selfish idea that my ideal guy would still love me even if we broke up, and maybe take a longer while to forget me. I remember painting this ideal guy as someone who'd really feel for me like no one else, and would go the extra mile just because it was for me. And I thought I had found that someone, and let slip of it.

It has taken me so many years to eventually realize that maybe, I've been searching for 'forever' in all the wrong places. I remember thinking that I'd most likely be the only one on the face of this planet that still believed in such a thing called 'forever',but you've proven me wrong. The person I thought would fill the void in me just might not turn out to be exactly whom I was supposed to be looking for. Maybe it should've been you, right from the beginning. Maybe things weren't meant to be so tough and heartbreaking for me had I opened my eyes to see the bigger picture, and to take a good look at everyone around me. Then I wouldn't have had to go through so much pain, and living with a heart that's cold as stone, and an ego the size of a football field.

You're the first and only guy who has ever thought of inking himself with a little of me. And you make my heart skip a beat every time I hear from you. You still held on to me even when I'd let you go. And certain situations have caused me to see that maybe, you're just the other person who still believes in 'forever' too. Maybe I'd never come close to changing your reality, but I hope that someday, you'd realize how much I mean to you and how you've been wrong this entire time.

Maybe I wasn't worth it. Or maybe I was too worth it, that you were afraid of risking what we had.

(:

2010-10-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

happy shoes.(:

how

2010-10-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

What does "closing a chapter of your life and moving on" really mean?

How do you close a chapter of one's life?

2010-07-14T09:24:00.000-07:00

I am a hoarder.
I hoard my responsibilities. I hoard my roles. I hoard my duties. I hoard my belongings.
And I'll never learn to share them, let alone give them away.
I'm tired. Maybe it is time I believed in someone else other than myself.

I hate

2010-06-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

...to be always being the practical one.

...that you always go on and on and on about my spending habits.

...it when people think I'm very stingy with my family.

...to be good at what I do while everyone else gets the credits.

...that you never bother. But that's just you. So hating you is easier.

...to shoot down your nonsensical ideas. But I can't help it.

...the way you think you know it all.

...when you act as if you're so busy but it's a fact that everyone is a gazillion times busier than you.

...it when you comment about it. It is what saved your cranky ass btw.

...that you never keep to your words but you expect me to keep to mine.

...to always be the driver you go to when there's need for transport.

...to accomodate and oblige your stupid requests.

...to have faith and not have faith at the very same time.

whatever goes

2010-06-30T20:25:00.000-07:00

So I guess this prepares one for more unexpected turns in life. The 'babysitting'. The insecurity. No one will really understand why I should feel such defensiveness but, it doesn't matter. You know what I mean? Until and unless you're in it yourself (read: put all your possible effort and time into it) and have people come bossing around some changes to happen, then you'd most probably be the 25869574752801425th person to tell me that I shouldn't be feeling this way.

Now, give me a moment while I lie to myself that the situation is not what I think it is.

2010-06-20T08:33:00.000-07:00

It shouldn't have to be this way.
Not this tough. Not this complicated.

feeling sour

2010-06-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

I had a lemon today and I'm feeling sour.

help

2010-06-04T08:47:00.000-07:00

What should I say.

That I'm tired of being thought of as everything and nothing, both at the same time?

...or that I'm perfectly fine being me?

I hate it. I do.

Everybody wants a piece of me.

Of my money. My time. My effort. My knowledge.

And they want to make it theirs.

Do you not see what I'm putting up with?

Do I look like I earn a million-dollar wage? Or have a time-making business behind closed doors?

Do I look like I don't know how to be filial? Or faithful, even?

I don't like this. I don't like all of this.

Are you happy seeing me like this? Is it some sort of a reminder of how I should and could have?

So what if I spend my hard earn cash and have not a penny left in my bank?

So what?

So what if I saved up all my money and never spend a dime?

So what, really?

It's my cash. And I'll do what I please with it.

But then again...I said it was yours. But nothing changed.

Maybe it was just some rubbish saying.

Why am I having to do so much running about when everyone else earns just as much shaking their legs?

Why the need to keep protecting, shielding and siding when nothing gives back?

I don't even know why I'm bothered to please.

I want.

I crave.

The love. The attention. The space. The joy.

But it never happens long enough for me to really get my fingers around it.

I get my heart broken. Dreams crushed.

My world, turned upside down and shaken till everything's fallen out.

And I am to be blamed. What a sick world this is, really.

Blame. Blame it on me.

Sacrificial lamb. Scape goat.

You name it. I am it.

I do so much. They say no human recognition is needed.

Right. I think. What's the point with favored grounds then?

I do. Someone gets the credit.

I create. Someone steals the idea.

Is heavenly recognition really all one needs?

Or is it a lie to get one through the race of bulldozing rats?

I still don't get your point. Where are you going with this again, can you remind me?

I can't remember why I've got to be the one to go through so much pain.

I can hardly recall why I have to fend for myself, bare handed.

But I remember you said I would not walk alone.

I recall your promise that you'd carry me when the waters' too deep.

You reminded me of how much you do love me from one scarred hand to the other.

But why does it still feel like I'm everything and nothing at once?

Why do I feel like I have so much yet so little today?

You don't have the answers, do you?

Neither do I.

I'm just upset.

Help.

2010-06-02T04:06:00.000-07:00

MCD always tastes good. It's like comfort food.

I need a change.
Whether it's a new book to read, or a new addition to my cubicle, or a pet, or a recognition, a pay rise, a new hobby or just lots of sleep and rainy nights, I need a change. I need something, anything..to be different.

Or maybe, I just need a break.

to stay

2010-06-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

It's about being taken up by a balloon. Far, far away.

Off the grounds. And above clouds.

I'll give anything to stay in the clouds.

let's walk

2010-05-31T09:01:00.000-07:00

I realized I haven't had picture entries for a real long time.

So here's one.

I'd walk with you. Only if you want me to.

what now?

2010-05-31T08:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to do, God. Should I suggest it? Or should I not? I just feel like success is yours to ask and reach for. And maybe, this is my break. But I don't solely want to be known for that. But at the back of my mind, I know that I can do a better, a much better job than that. And I want to try my hand at it. But how would it look on her? Bad, I know.

That's why I'm torn.

I know I should just maybe let it go and let them hire someone else to finish it off but, I just feel it's resource wasted. Maybe...I can do it instead. Maybe I can bring on different results.

But I don't know. It frustrates me on so many levels.

God, what should I do?

jottings.just

2010-05-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

God knows how many times have I said I'm tired. But you know what? I really am.

I wished there were words to Yiruma's tunes. Then I can cry to it.

I haven't had clam chowder in ages, and I'm missing it bad.

Funfairs are fun. Especially when you're with a crazy bunch like them.

I miss the bunch. I miss Bangkok. Phuket. And all.

I feel really bad for walking away from that kitty. I shouldn't have. I'm so sorry.

Lifehouse has been playing on my iPod on repeat mode. It keeps me sane, somehow.

Singapore is a few weeks away, and Hong Kong, a few months away. Travel.

Pretty stressed. Ms Universe shoot day after tomorrow. And more.

My week's really stuffed. And I need a break.

I can't wait for my next appointment though I'm not too sure when it'd be.

Stocked up on Jo Malone's fragrance and bath oil. Heavenly.

Pampered myself with a Bimba&Lola clutch. Salmon. Loved it.

up and away

2010-05-12T07:12:00.000-07:00

I did it.

I wrote. Tied. And released it.

It went up, up, up and up until it was a mere dot in the dark sky.

I didn't know my own strength

2010-05-03T03:53:00.000-07:00

I was not built to break.

now

2010-05-03T03:41:00.000-07:00

Thank God I'm done with the Christmas script. Now, it's just my photo shoots that I've got to worry about. Sigh. My head is spinning, hurting...whatever you call it. I'm tired. Very, very exhausted.

2010-04-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

Thanks for reminding me that you're so full of shit.

just married, and again.

2010-04-11T23:15:00.000-07:00

Working on the wedding board for Nu You brides sure feels like I'm planning my dream wedding.

My bookshelf of bridal mags.

My table. Don't mind the mess.

Always

2010-04-11T07:51:00.000-07:00

Can I feel you in the rain? Abandon all I am to have you capture me again.

if it did come out, it would sound something like this

2010-04-08T01:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I just don't know how to tell you this- that you're so full of yourself, not to mention degrading, begrudging, rude and insecure. It's ironic how you actually do believe that the world revolves around you, and that everyone else has a problem with time management but yourself. You're a pot calling a kettle black in so many situations- too many that I can barely keep count, to say. I don't know why with all that you have, you are just not able to look past the flaws of others and be a little more forgiving. Maybe you can, but just don't want to.

Does it really make you feel that good when you belittle people who have a little lesser than you in knowledge? Were you not also the one who professed to living as a life-long journey of learning? I don't want you to call me just to laugh at someone else's downfall because, I can't tell you this in your face but...I'm closer to them than you think I probably am. And it doesn't make me feel any superior when it's them you're laughing at simply because if you can do that to just about anybody else, what should make me think I'm spared from that mocking altogether?

Sometimes, I wish I'd stop being silent and just give it to you, once and for all- for the times you've made last minute decisions with an absolute disregard for others, for the days you made your PMS a living issue that people around you had to deal with, for the moments you didn't make ANY sense whatsoever but everyone was obligated to just play along, for the ordeal you put some kid through just because she bailed on you, for making life hard for people who are already struggling to make their mark out there, no thanks to you. And for everything else that I have loathed but said nothing of, I wish you knew how hard it had been for me to contain it and continue seeing you as this better person I persuade myself to.

You try so hard to make everyone like you but it's so foolish when you're the only one who's not seeing that things don't work that way. It's good to be confident. But when confidence becomes self-pride, I hate to have to say that you're no different from that douchebag you've been bitching about.

I thank God somehow that through you, I always see, or try to imagine the other side of every story, situation and crisis. You have showed me that there are people out there who'd do anything and everything to shift the blame off themselves, even if that meant passing it on to me. Through your shortcomings, I have learnt to listen more and talk less, to always smile even in the hardest and meanest of times, to always watch my back because no one else is going to and more importantly, to be unabashed about the things I own and the life I choose to live.

I have always admired your authoritative state of mind and that confidence that's so brash and sturdy. I have always marveled at how much of a people person you can be, when you want to. But when I know how all those traits can go on and come off in just a quick blink, I believe that just about everyone else can be where you are today. More so, as a reminder that I can scale greater heights than you and still strive to be a genuinely warm, soft -hearted human at the end of it.

I have learnt to forgive and let go of my grudges, hurts and hates. Because you have made the world a harder place to survive in, and I'm determined to do the exact opposite.

Even if, that would mean losing out a little along the way.

2010-03-30T23:56:00.000-07:00

It gets to a point that you don't trust the things you read, or the people you already know.

please.just.stab.me.

2010-03-28T02:13:00.000-07:00

So, i've learnt that there really is a time when all the worst of stuffs that can happen to you will indeed happen to you, all in a day. That's when you take out the champagne and toast to your own stupidity. Then consider flushing your head down the toilet bowl in hope of pacifying the pain that's gnawing at your insides.

Nothing. Nothing can ever describe what i'm feeling today. Better yet, now.

I feel like giving my enemies the open option to a.shoot me, b.stab me, or c.go to the press about it. It's funny how at the back of your head, you know there is no way that things could possibly get any worse. Only thing is, luck's not really on your side and the previous kind of 'worse' is playing itself over again. Something I failed to bear in mind when I left my guts behind to do something really, in my terms...BALLSY.

Why me? Why is it so damn hard to cut me some damn slack?

I'm so tired. Let alone, angry. I want to punch something, yell at someone, thrash a car or whatever. I hate this. And to think of the suspense i'm gonna have to endure.

Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.

out of luck

2010-03-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

So maybe, i'm out of luck. They say we don't run on luck. But sometimes, it's hard to see the line that blurs faith from luck. I'm frustrated. I am. I did what I should and I made sure I had put everything together, in place, perfectly.

Sometimes, I wished a helium balloon would do the trick.

EGO

2010-02-13T20:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, it can't be about ego- who starts the text, and who ends it. How long before you reply to appear like you don't really care, or whether you even do reply.

I'm slowly, but surely outgrowing that phase. I just can't care less anymore but to what I simply want to do- to let people know they mean the world to me, and that I still remember them for the best times we've had and love them despite being incredibly distant.

23rd

2010-01-23T02:45:00.001-08:00

Birthday celebration in Cameron Highlands.(:

Happiness.

Believing

2010-01-23T02:39:00.000-08:00

I believe in love. I believe in hard times and love winning. I believe marriage is hard. I believe people make mistakes. I believe people can want two things at once. I believe people are selfish and generous at the same time. I believe very few people want to hurt others. I believe that life can surprise you. But I find it hard to believe that all good things must come to an end.

2010-01-15T07:32:00.000-08:00

When I see Kara, I'm reminded.

finally

2010-01-01T06:48:00.000-08:00

So finally, I get a breather. It's the new year's and I'm sleeping in till 2 in the afternoon, making up for all those late nights. I cleaned my room, took out my rubbish and i'm considering laundry service for my first batch of new year laundry. Not exactly your idea of "too-much-money-to-spend", but more of a "too-little-time-for-laundry" case.

Life's been good for 2009. And for this year, I'm all ready to put myself back into youth, as an advisor and to really work the ministry again.(: I will start from scratch- to teach, guide, counsel, correct and encourage any youths within my reach. I will contribute in ways I've failed to stretch myself to. I will go the extra mile for the Him. And also, for the new year's, I will start swimming again, and I will dress up my Mac. I will reformat my iPod and I promise to tidy my room 2 months once, if not every month. I will work hard, and shop harder. I will travel at every opportunity I get. I will embrace life with a zeal I lacked before.

God, you've been great. And I can't thank you enough. You mean the world to me and I will not give you up for anything. Not at all.

2009-11-30T07:19:00.000-08:00

I can't wait to go Bangkok.

And Singapore.

Then to Australia.

Bali.

Hong Kong.

And Tokyo!

(: Here I come!

people always leave

2009-11-30T06:47:00.000-08:00

People always leave.

That was what I thought, and still do. But the only difference is, I've figured out why.

People only have the opportunity to leave when you have an expectation of them to stay, or worse still, when you have pretty much made them a permanent fixture in your life- your routine includes them. Your thoughts are of them. Your actions and speech reflect them.

I've had so much on my mind of late that it's somewhat bordering bothering. I just don't get how people can come and go, just like that. Maybe I've done just the same thing to someone else- walking in and stepping out the very same moment, but I'm not conscious of it and definitely, not feeling it as much as when someone walks right out of mine. Then, it hurts. Reeeeeaaaal bad that it makes you want to cry.

Sigh.):

2009-11-28T05:39:00.000-08:00

"I remember what you wore on our first day. You came into my life and I thought hey, you know this could be something."

- Two is better than one, Boys Like Girls ft. Taylor Swift

keep on keeping on

2009-11-19T06:10:00.000-08:00

She keeps believing, keeps believing.

But he never turns up.

He never comes for her, like he promised he would.

But she waits.

She trusts.

Trusting for something that will never happen.

And everyone knows that.

Everyone except her.

2009-11-16T00:22:00.000-08:00

I'm quickly going blind from all that proof-reading

...and coming down with a bad throat from all that chocolate I'm chugging.

...and chugging,

and chugging,

and still chugging.

This is what happens when you're feeling lower than a grasshopper's knees.

2009-11-15T22:40:00.000-08:00

Thanks for breaking my heart.

it's thought like these that get to me

2009-11-15T04:19:00.000-08:00

It's not that I'm fickle and change one too many boyfriends almost all the time. It's not that I want to go around breaking hearts and crushing dreams. And most of all, it's not that I want a taste of every guy before I decide to settle for one, or maybe never. Maybe that was the case for me, back then- 4 years ago. But things change. People change. And now, I want to be in love, and to stay in it. I want to commit. I want to know what it feels like to have my whole world built on that one person, and just knowing at the corners of my mind that it will never fall apart. Or at least it wouldn't go without a mighty fight first.

I just...I just want.

2009-11-15T04:14:00.000-08:00

"And I hold you close in the back of my mind. Feels so good but damn it makes me hurt."

- La Cienega Just Smiled, Ryan Adams

2009-11-12T04:04:00.000-08:00

At some point in your life, you just stop and wonder if that person's even worth the journey, the risk and the hurt. You think so. But you end up dead wrong. And you wish you had stayed true to yourself. That's when regret seeps in. Something you vowed never to live to see.

2009-11-12T04:03:00.000-08:00

...some kind of stalker bitch she is.

2009-11-10T01:55:00.000-08:00

Twice bitten.

I am officially

the dumbest...

stupidest...

lousiest...

unluckiest...

in it.

Now please, just leave me alone.

Thanks.

...the things I love.

2009-10-30T20:59:00.000-07:00

...the things I love.

2009-10-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

I'm in that mood for weddings again.
Saw these images. Want such shots for my wedding memories.
I want a wedding. Be it to plan, execute, attend or just ogle...I want a wedding.
And yes. I want to be wedded in a gorgeous ceremony.

2009-10-30T02:24:00.000-07:00

The End of A Love Affair- Billie Holiday

So I walk a little too fast and I drive a little too fast
An I'm reckless it's true,
but what else can you do at the end of a love affair?

So I talk a little too much, and I laugh a little too much
And my voice is too loud, when I'm out in a crowd
So that people are apt to stare

Do they know, do they care, that it's only that I'm lonely
And low as can be?
And the smile on my face isn't really a smile at all

So I smoke a little too much, and I drink a little too much
And the tunes I request are not always the best
But the ones where the trumpets blare

So I go at a maddening pace, and I pretend that it's taking your place
But what else can you do, at the end of a love affair

all the way

2009-10-30T00:44:00.000-07:00

"when somebody loves you, it's no good unless he loves you all the way..."

enough

2009-10-25T00:06:00.000-07:00

I know the things I'm asking for are often self-centred, and not considerate of any other parties. But you have to understand, I really don't care. I'm not in that position to have to be thoughtful of others just because of their position/circumstance/status. Forgiveness is played over, and over, like a broken record. I pushed my limits. And it's about time, you pushed yours too. Don't sit on it like you have been for the past few months, or years even.

2009-10-24T23:59:00.000-07:00

He said...
"Gone are the days that we get to church even before the Pastor does.
And gone are the days that we are the ones to greet the church pews when the doors open."
I second that.
A baptism. A blessing. A fiery passion.
All forgotten in a matter of time.
But it only takes...
1 earthquake.
1 hurricane.
1 heart attack.
1 death of a loved one.
1 accident.
1 tsunami.
...to get people scrambling back to churches.
Why?
Is that all He is worthy of?
The final call is just 1 rapture.
Once.
It's then or never.
...then there's the 'left behind-ers'.

just.

2009-10-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

It's 9.41pm and I'm still at work.

My head's throbbing in pain.

I'm hungry for clam chowder, tom yam goong and chicken kebab.

My nail colour is peeling and I'm too busy to wash it off.

My table is a mess. Just like its owner.

Sigh.

Bangkok Work Team!

2009-10-07T02:14:00.000-07:00

Let's backdate alil.(:
Here's the work team for the Bangkok shoot.

From left to right: Joanne, Plag (Photographer), Miss Tan, Shuks, Siew Ching, Wei Ying, Fatima

a eulogy for a dear friend

2009-10-06T04:37:00.000-07:00

We unabashedly labeled ourselves the Spice Girls: Deb as Posh Spice, Julie as Ginger Spice, Yoges as Scary Spice, Carol as Sporty Spice, and myself as Baby Spice. And we performed El Shaddai, ironically.

Pastor Sean took us for an exhilarating, adrenaline-pumping ride on the Triple-Looper Rollercoaster when it came to Lagoon. I sat with Julie. I screamed my lungs out while she sat silent. She cried only after we got off the ride. We went to a fastfood joint surrounded by forest trees for burgers, fries and bird-watching. Julie cried again when a bird pecked at her burger and snatched her fries. We fought in Sunday School. We called each other names. She was racist. I was plain mean. That was back then. Now we meet, we catch up. Even in the scarcity of times we do meet, words exchanged felt genuine. When she needed a trusting heart and a discerning mind, she sought us out. We did what we knew was right even when it didn't look too good for her, but she grew with the outcome. And life was good for her. Life was great for her. Two kids and a doting husband. Parents that loved her and in-laws that accepted her as if she was their own. Pastor always had her back. He always had our backs. And now, she's left us. For good. His sheep. Their daughter. Her sister. Our childhood friend. His wife. Their mummy. It leaves us with an unexplainable void. And the kids are barely of age to grasp the meaning of death and the grief it brings. And where mummy's gone, she won't be coming back.

But we take comfort in the Lord. She's gone to a better place. Julie Lim, you'd be missed. By all who've crossed paths with you. Those who lingered longer will always remember you. And your antics. May you rest in the peaceful hands of God, the perfector of our lives. Till we meet again.

We love you.

2009-10-04T18:33:00.000-07:00

"...it's done..."

...does that mean something intentional? Or unintentional?

Autumn calls out to me

2009-10-04T09:01:00.000-07:00

I want to play in the rain and watch the leaves fall.
I want to be a kid again.
No fears. No responsibilities. No heartaches.
Just rain boots and ponchos, chocolates and ice cream.

Wei Ying's BEEG day!(:

2009-10-04T08:20:00.000-07:00

...then, there's the wedding mood again. Apparently it's that 'auspicious year' thing that's going on for couples and a plenty are tying the knot. Attended Wei Ying's wedding last Saturday at Putrajaya.(: Congratulations girl! I don't have photos of the bride yet though...*hangs head* Hah. My bad. I didn't even bring my cam! So these few are from Winnie's camera.

Left to right: Miss Tan, Anthony, Kah Sing

That's me. And Anthony's hand.

Me, licking clean my spoon of melted chocolate.

Left to right: Emily, Winnie, Miss Tan, Anthony

Winnie at her attempt to feed me more chocolate bits.

Hong Kong (:

2009-10-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

Suddenly, I'm missing Hong Kong.
I want to go shop again.
(:

2009-10-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

"...cause all You are, is all I want..."

You

2009-10-04T06:49:00.000-07:00

Always- Hillsong

Did You rise the sun for me?
Or paint a million stars that I might know Your majesty?
Is Your voice upon the wind?
Is everything I've known marked with the maker's fingerprints?

Breathe on me
Let me see Your face
Ever I will seek You

Cause all You are, is all I want, always
Draw me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You

Can I feel You in the rain?
Abandon all I am to have You capture me again
Let the earth resound with praise
Can You hear as all creation lives to glorify one name?

Breathe on me
Let me see Your face
Ever will I seek You

Cause all You are, is all I want, always
Draw me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You

DOUBLY ANNOYED

2009-10-04T06:47:00.000-07:00

...OH FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.YES, SHE FREAKING IS. NOW, CAN YOU ALL JUST STOP ASKING?

2009-10-02T07:55:00.000-07:00

I kinda regret agreeing to it. I don't want to do what she did.

Can I tell them now that I'd changed my mind?

Is it too late?

...do I really care if it is too late?

Ugh.

2009-10-02T07:48:00.000-07:00

...and then there's the aftertaste of bittersweet chocolate.

2009-09-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

I didn't ask for empty promises

...or painful flashbacks...

...or sleepless nights just waiting for dawn to come quickly...

...or pillows soaked in tears...

...or distorted truths...

...or foolishly comforting words...

...or a broken heart...

but I got it all. I got it all.

2009-09-21T08:30:00.000-07:00

...now the lesson's learnt. I touched and I was burnt.

they always do

2009-09-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

People leave.

They just always do.

They know when to take you in, keep your heart, then break you.

They walk away.

Like nothing's ever happened.

Like no heart's been broken. Stolen. Crushed.

People always have so many reasons to leave.

When will they ever have a reason to stay?

I'm mounting a sign to the hole where my heart should be...

"VACANT HEART. PLEASE COME IN AND STAY.

NO EXTRA CHARGES. NO HIDDEN FEES.

JUST LOTS O F LOVE, FREELY TO GIVE.

SO PLEASE STAY.

DON'T LEAVE."

numero uno

2009-08-31T08:20:00.000-07:00

You are my number one.(:

...a blessing or a curse?

2009-08-18T00:54:00.000-07:00

It wasn't something I would do- retrieve my Facebook password, reactivate the account and start adding the people whom I've lost touched with. But I did.

I browsed. And browsed. And came across profiles of people I crossed path with, lingered for a while and never heard from thereafter. Some angered me, while some saddened me.

...the ones whom I tried my very best to keep in touch with but which they never bothered to reply my mails. Those whom I built a past with only to awake to shattered dreams. The one who guarded me like a daughter but never really cherished everything we really had. Those whom I fought for, with every bit of me, only to realize all's not worth fighting for. The one who kids me about those emotions and acts like nothing's up...

Facebook is a lifesaver-boredom filler to many. Many but me. I don't even know if I'm ever going to go back there, clicking away, updating my profile and adding half a thousand of strangers I barely know to my list of friends. I left Friendster behind me so that I could steer clear of everything Facebook currently is- the goss that updates itself ever so often.

But maybe, just maybe...I will. Fingers crossed, I will find time this August 31 to set my room straight, upload my images here and on FB, have a good meal with my family, iPod and jog the hill for a good whole hour, check and balance my account and shop a bit more.

It's late in the night/early in the morning and I am craving clam chowder. It rained and my emotions are barely making it through the night. Clam chowder would do me some good. It would. And wine.

a dream within a dream

2009-08-16T08:28:00.000-07:00

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem,
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep, while I weep
O God! Can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! Can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem,
But a dream within a dream?

-Edgar Allan Poe

2009-07-27T04:20:00.000-07:00

You have fallen to a pathetic 2.5.

I don't understand you. I seriously don't. Hot and cold. Up and down. Just messed up.

random somethings

2009-07-20T07:44:00.001-07:00

You have fallen to a 4.5.
Lucas and Peyton are back together on One Tree Hill Year 6. Yay.(:
I am stressed.
Bought myself an FCUK top and another from BCBG. Happily broke.
I made a promise recently, and I'm trying really hard to keep it.
Hong Kong's in another couple of weeks and I'm half worried (if there even is such a thing)- my Cantonese sucks.
Alumni gathering's this weekend. Can't wait. Can wait. Can't wait. Can wait. Pfft.
My bookshelves are sagging from the weight of my magazines. I need more...magazines, books and last but not least, shelf space.(:
I'm considering taking a day off just to sleep.

whole

2009-07-07T02:34:00.000-07:00

You make me whole.

don't

2009-07-05T20:03:00.000-07:00

Don't...

...share with her things that mean a lot to me, like Stubbies.
...go with her to places I've always loved.
...call me what you call her.
...compare me to her. I'm far beyond that.
...talk to me the way you do to her. It inevitably makes you sound dumb.
...make our song hers and yours.

Just don't even if everything would mean nothing to you.

65 words

2009-06-25T22:19:00.000-07:00

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift...It is painfully won and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.

hoping on air

2009-06-22T20:24:00.000-07:00

You don't know how much I wished I could say such a thing about him.

I'm caught in the middle of moving on, or holding back.

Sigh.

how it's supposed to feel

2009-06-22T03:08:00.000-07:00

Terrified- Jason Reeves & Kara Dioguardi

You by the light is the greatest find
In a world full of wrong you're the thing that's right
Finally made it through the lonely to the other side

You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I
I'm in love
And I
I'm terrified for the first time and the last time
In my only life

This could be good
It's already better than that
And nothing's worse than knowing you're holding back
I could be all that you needed if you let me try

You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I
I'm in love
And I
I'm terrified for the first time and the last time
In my only life

I only said it cause I mean it
I only mean it cause it's true

So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming
Cause it keeps me up and holds me close
Whenever I'm without you

You said it again
My heart's in motion
Every word feels like a shooting star
I'm at the edge of my emotions
Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I
I'm in love
And I
I'm terrified for the first time and the last time
In my only life

yikes.

2009-05-27T12:51:00.000-07:00

May 27, 2009
Spotted my FIRST strand of white hair.

2009-05-10T08:36:00.000-07:00

"Trying to make somebody care for you the way I do is like trying to catch the rain."
- Winner At A Losing Game, Rascal Flatts

a reminder

2009-05-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

Stand- Rascal Flatts

You feel like a candle in a hurricane
Just like a picture with a broken frame
Alone and helpless, like you've lost your fight
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hand, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Life's like a novel with the end ripped out
The edge of a canyon with only one way down
Take what you're given before it's gone
And start holding on, keep holding on

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hand, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

Everytime you get up and get back into the race
One more small piece of you starts to fall into place

Cause when push comes to shove
You taste what you're made of
You might bend till you break
Cause it's all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you've had enough
You get mad, you get strong
Wipe your hand, shake it off
Then you stand, then you stand

I guess this song is what kept me sane throughout the whole month. Some sort of reminder. SIGH. I'm still busy, slightly lighter after all the bridal shots have been ironed out though. Thank you God for really pulling me through it. I didn't think I was gonna make it. But I'm so glad everything's turned out great.(: I'll post the shots up soon enough- when I have the time, which is not so soon, ironically. Haha.

On a whole different note, I didn't realize how much I had missed you until I sat down iPod-ing and just thinking of the hectic week ahead that awaits to devour me- I have reviews to finish up, advertisers to meet, shoots to schedule and manage and a bunch of stinking people to be nice to. I'm tired. And I wish you only knew.

I miss you.

feeling...

2009-05-05T07:26:00.000-07:00

frustrated.grumpy.whiny.angry.sore.exhausted.busy.stretched.used.unappreciated.overlooked.taken for granted.

obligated.bad.upset.doubtful.disappointed.

tired

2009-05-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe they don't have eyes to see afterall.

Dear God, I'm going through a rough patch. Everything's pretty much killing me. I barely have enough hours in a day to do what I'm supposed to, what more if I were to count the ones I spend sleeping. I am exhausted and I really need you, at least like some kind of assurance that it'll all pass and I'll find my way out of this mess somehow. I'm frustrated. Frustrated at almost everything. God, please come through for me.

Once more.

you

2009-04-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

I believe you owe me an explanation.

work is better

2009-04-23T21:19:00.000-07:00

I've been really busy so I just thought maybe I'd come by to drop off a quick entry before I head off to settle my bridal shoots.

I haven't not felt my feet in ages until yesterday. But all the running around and late nights at work really paid off. To see the top spenders looking all dolled up by myself and Winnie and looking so happy and not forgetting GORGEOUS, I think we did a good job. The makeover was absolutely a rewarding piece for my portfolio.

I'm working on my bridal shoots now and in a week's time, I'll be off to Bangkok for 5 days of foot massages, shopping, good food and more shoots! Life is good. But maybe, work is better. HAHA.

It's a hectic, hectic schedule for me! BANGKOK, HERE I COME!:D

Oh and also, I'm quite decided on the next ink.

ps: Gary and Jackie, thank you so much for coming to our fashion event! It was so good to see you both looking absolutely gorgeous.

ps: Miki dearest, thanks for a pint of Haagen Dazs each for myself and Winnie for the late nights. You're the best babe!(:

ps: Babe, FOOT MASSAGE! FOOT MASSAGE! Badly in need of it. Body massage would do fine too.:P

the best days of your life

2009-04-13T04:28:00.000-07:00

Best Days of Your Life- Kelly Pickler

Cause I'll be there in the back of your mind

From the day we met till you were making me cry

And it's just too bad you've already had the best days

The best days of your life

Ain't it a shame

A shame that every time you hear my name

Brought up in a casual conversation

You can't think straight?

And ain't it sad

You can't forget about what we had

Take a look at her and do you like what you see

Or do you wish it was me?

I'll be there in the back of your mind

From the day we met to the very last night

And it's just too bad you've already had the best days

The best days of your life

And does she know

Know about the time you used to hold me

Wrapped me in your arms and how you told me

I'd be the only one?

I heard about

Yeah, someone told me once when you were out

She went a little crazy, ran her mouth about me

Ain't jealousy funny?

Cause I'll be there in the back of your mind

From the day we met to the very last night

And it's just too bad you've already had the best days

The best days of your life

Life with me was fairytale love

I was head over heels till you threw away us

And it's just too bad you've already had the best days

The best days of your life

I heard you're gonna get married, have a nice little family

Live out my dreams with someone new

But I've been told that a cheater is always a cheater

So I've got my pride and she's got you

Cause I'll be there in the back of your mind

From the day we met till you were making me cry

And it's just too bad you've already had the best days

The best days of your life

which is it

2009-04-10T01:47:00.000-07:00

A thought.

Is it better to belong to the majority? The minority?

...or to none at all?

yesterday

2009-04-08T21:03:00.001-07:00

Read at MPH twice. Bought Sudoku puzzles.

Got invited for DKNY's 20th birthday bash at KLCC. Attended.

Drank lemon lychee blue punch.

Dined at Chinoz On The Park.

Chatted with Joanne.

Shopped at Kinokuniya.

...and Paul Smith.

...and Tiffany & Co.

Agreed to go Seremban.

Heard that Juju's got a solitaire from her proposal! (BABE! Aku mau jugak. Solitaire tanpa proposal!!:D)

Decided on another Crumpler.

Listened to Thanks for the memories by Fall Out Boy for 8 times.

Minum-ed at Old Town.

Worked on my portfolio.

...collection of wedding ideas and colour palettes.

Life is good.(:

choices

2009-04-02T01:28:00.000-07:00

...do you remember this? I do.

"Okay, here it is, your choice...it's simple. Her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecakse, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me." - Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

sometimes, all you need is one

2009-03-30T00:25:00.000-07:00

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes-- all you need is one.

no.

2009-03-26T19:08:00.000-07:00

You can't keep appearing in my dreams.

since when

2009-03-25T19:58:00.000-07:00

It's not in the what but the who and the how. Since when did people read the sender more than they did the message?

pristine

2009-02-17T05:51:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me if I still felt the same way towards him as I did 4 whole years ago.

You know, he meant alot to me, and continues to mean just as much with each passing day. It's really funny how after so much that had happened, my memory of him is still of that much of flawlessness and utter perfection that lined the days (minus the bad ones) we once had. Selective memory, the experts call it, which eventually reared its ugly head- stealing 4 years of my emotions that rocked back and forth wildly as I hung between having moved and having not, undecided; an entire year of a new relationship I was trying to build after him, and a few months of my sleep when he found someone new.

I was utterly crushed.

But that was then. I don't deny that there is not one passing day that I go without thinking of him, and praying that God covers him with only the best of everything. But that is really just it. I want the best things to happen to him, and for him. He will always remain as that person I once loved. I used to think that there would be endless possibilities of us, getting together again but deep down, I knew better than anyone else. And I've finally come to terms with it.

I've grown, and time has changed me a fair bit, I must say. I want different things in life than what I did many years ago, and this is just one of those things. I'm glad that each time I see him, I only see the better part of him and maybe, that's how it should stay even as we go on with our separate lives.

Dear you,
If you ever get to reading this, this is for you.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean
And when one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance
And if you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking
Loving might be a mistake but it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance
And if you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
-I Hope You Dance, Danny Gokey (originally by Lee Ann Womack)

2009-01-10T08:49:00.000-08:00

"What if our love never went away?

What if it's lost behind words we could never find?"

-What About Now, Chris Daughtry

mini-bbq!(:

2009-01-10T07:17:00.000-08:00

What better way is there to celebrate one's birthday than to have a mini-bbq with one's close bunch?(:

Singapore

2009-01-09T20:10:00.000-08:00

I haven't had time to compile them pics and to put them up nicely here since I got back from my trip to Singapore. So here it is! The trip was good, very rewarding and most of all, a very refreshing one especially since it was the Yuletide season. So cousin Yvonne and I shopped, ate and then shopped somemore, and then more eating...the entire trip.

ps: Yen, cannot lah. I'm damn tired. Don't want to post up images of what I bought. Sorry.:D HEEHEE.

Monique Lhuilier

2008-12-31T00:59:00.000-08:00

A simple yet very pretty Monique Lhuillier gown- Behold
I like. (:

suckers

2008-12-30T23:39:00.000-08:00

I might come off as mean. But do I really look like I care? No. I've had enough of bullshit from you both and I think I've been fairly nice to not tell you in your face to screw off.

sniff

2008-12-30T01:35:00.000-08:00

"...a sack of yellow, pink and white medicinal bits. A slab of RM75, much like a fine, only cheaper. Lots of rest and water."

Yen, that was all I got when I was sick. No, I didn't let myself feel lucky because, there plain wasn't such a thing. Idiots. *rolls eyes, slumps into chair* Did you get me my mags? And did Shaun buy me those damn chocolates he promised me? Make sure he does. And the price for Tiff & Co.'s solitaire. Don't let him board the plane empty handed without them goodies! Can't wait to see you both.

XXX

empty

2008-12-30T00:19:00.000-08:00

I am at a loss for words. I just wished I had a reason to hate. It would make life so much more easier.

the winner takes it all

2008-12-27T22:44:00.001-08:00

The Winner Takes It All- Abba

I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play

The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny

I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules

The gods may throw a dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain

But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what more can I say
Rules must be obeyed

I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand you've come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all...
The winner takes it all...

a Christmas portion

2008-12-23T00:16:00.000-08:00

It's been so long since I dropped an entry. Anyway, for all ye happy people...MERRY CHRISTMAS!(:

It's been a crazy month. With so much happening 'round this yuletide season, I thank God that I managed to make a 5-day trip down to Singapore and do nothing but eat and shop! It's been great and I couldn't ask for a better time-off than this. I haven't found time to upload the snapshots of my trip but I'm really glad I agreed to head down nearing Christmas, just in time to catch up on some massive pre-Christmas sales and all of its pretty decos!

At work, it's been busy too. Busy eating, drinking and being merrrrrryyy!(: In just this month, we have had a few AWESOMELY lavish dining experiences. First, it was to celebrate Joanne's [my boss] birthday. Our close bunch fine dined at Opus, Bangsar along with a couple of her friends. I got her a Marc Jacobs fragrance that I AM SO GOING TO BUY FOR MYSELF TOOO- MJ cotton! And the rest shared for a ZARA dress. Pretty! Then just last week, we gave Ping [big boss of 1 U] a surprise celebration over lunch for her birthday at Dragon-i, which I would so recommend everyone to go try their 'xiao long bao'. DAMN yummy! Then there is today- Christmas lunch. We went by OneWorld Hotel for dimsum at Zuan Yuan. Another round of good foood with great company!

I'm at work, with really nothing much to do but blog. Joanne's asking me to go home early or go shop because we're both already in the holiday mooood. I can't wait for tomorrow, and the day after. I'd be catching the raved-about Mamma Mia the musical tomorrow night and on Christmas, it'd be dinner and jazz with my chums! I did my Christmas shopping for my chums and I am really happy with what I got for them. This time around, I actually feel like I've entirely outgrown that whole phase of giving gifts that are merely of aesthetic value, or those that are really cheesy and thoughtless. Instead, I really looked forward to getting things they could use, wear and even if I were totally clueless, I'd get edible stuff that's good and worthy to be given as Christmas gifts. Yay! I hope you all love the gifts I got you.(:

So, Merry Christmas people! God bless you all. Oh, and Ian, if you're reading this...I've got a couple of links I'd like you to visit, just for the fun of it.(:
In response to your Facebook group(my sis told me about this group), "I don't care how comfortable Crocs are but you look stupid": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDgWmcKkoSU
Simply funny: http://www.geekologie.com/2008/11/good_idea_man_submits_drawing.php

Enjoy and Merry Christmas!

sentiments for a hill

2008-11-10T06:58:00.000-08:00

It's one of those nights again where the wind blows so hard it howls through the night, and in a quick matter of minutes, it is going to pour so bad and long, that you'd wish you could just sleep through and not have to worry about work, or college. Or whatever else it is.

I love the smell of rain. And I love the sound of trees rustling through the breeze. I swear to myself that tonight, I will stay up to smell the air and listen to the raindrops fall. I miss everything about rainy nights, though I admit to loathing it at a point in my life. How silly. But that phase is over. I'm eager to sleep in the hall again, and I think I'm ready to dance in the dark, by myself.

I went up the hill last night. Late it was, but being up there reminded me of the times I've forgotten just how peaceful that place was and still is. Funny how I hold a sentiment toward this hill. I had my first bicycle lesson from Dad around this hill, and when I got promoted to a mountain bike, I had my first uphill and downhill moment on its slope. I remember almost passing out just trying to climb that slope on the lowest gear, but going down was a breeze. And it was also then that I learnt to shift my body weight to recreate a lower centre of gravity and stuff- it keeps you from front-flipping easily.

Back then, the hill was the one place Mom would let Deb, myself and cousin Yvonne go without any need for supervision. We'd go up in the evenings to swing, cycle and talk and laugh about just anything. Fun, it really was. And before the local municipal removed its mini stand-on carousel, it was at this hill that I took my first plunge into a mud puddle. Unintentionally, of course. I got swung of the ride and landed straight into the puddle. It was humiliation at it's best. I was about 9 then.

I passed the hill for a big part of my life soon after. The swings and rides and bars were far too familiar for my liking and I quickly found myself migrating to another hill not too far away from my place, eagerly in search of tadpoles at the basses of swing pits, especially after a downpour. I'd play 'catch-me-if-you-can' on monkey bars with a bunch of friendly kids through the evening, bid our goodbyes and whiz home, passing the familiar hill with no emotions whatsoever. It didn't feel like anything. I was about 10, going on 11 then.

At the age of 12, the new hill I frequented got a face lift- a 'pebble walk' for health freaks. It intrigued my cousin and I so much that we were part of the active bunch of uncle and aunties doing their rounds on the pebble walk, almost everyday while she was visiting. It was our new play ground. All those "OOOOHs", "AAAAAHs" and "OUCHs" while we treaded on the pointier ones were nothing short of memorable, funny and silly. And this definitely pushed my usual hill far back into my memory. I wasn't bothered to give a shot at my hill again.

Cousin Yvonne hardly came to visit thereafter. We were maturing in our individual lives and had so much more other important things to catch up on than bicycle rides and pebble walks.

I was 15 when love first struck me, true and hard. Or so I thought. Mom was cautious about us dating, so we resorted to finding a common and convenient place to meet and chat, and flirt, and to fall in love. It was decided that the hill in front of my house would be our meeting place. Every evening, I'd go up the hill to "swing"- to my mom's knowledge- which actually really was me, meeting with him. I had returned to the hill that I grew up with and over time, much had changed. The existing swings were maintained and given a fresh coat of paint while the stand-on carousel removed and a new swing set rooted in its place. The weathered wooden see-saw and the balancing beams were uprooted and springy see-saws were planted instead. We would sit on this little wooden bench facing my row of houses, talking about our dreams and plans, church, life...just about anything, really. And we'd exchange greetings with this uncle that did his rounds on the hill every single evening.

This hill stuck with me through my 2.5 years relationship with him. It was at this hill that we spent time together and spoke about the moon. Yes, we both had a fascination for the moon, stars and dark skies. It was from this hill that he'd call me just to hear my voice, and to be near to me, literally. And on the other side of the hill was where he'd sit with me while I worked on my tuition/school work. It was this hill that witnessed our somewhat public arguments [done in super-soft mode] and when us and everything in between started falling apart, it was also this hill that kept us rational, as we made our individual visits up its peak to refresh our sanity.

My relationship fell apart when I was about 18, precisely the same time the local municipal removed all wooden benches on the hill and replaced them with concrete ones coated in little pebbles [no, they don't hurt]. It was as if someone or something, knew that having that wooden bench around would not help me get over my failed relationship and took away all the benches, at once. It hurt at first but I came around to accepting it. Not forgetting the time we celebrated Tina's birthday up on the hill with a bunch of friends after a potluck at my place.

Somewhere early this year, a stray dog trailed Dad home after his round of taichi. Uncle Rocky and Dad named it Jude but God knows how many other names it had from other bypassers. Jude was an awesome dog. It found shelter under a shady tree on this hill, and not forgetting another brown stray as a partner in crime. Up this hill, Dad and uncle Rocky would bring a bucket of water and a large piece of commercial pamphlet almost every day to lay the food on,we did not have a dog bowl. Jude enjoyed their company and in a matter of weeks, it started coming by our front gate for his daily meals. I loved him. And my heart went out to him when he kinda fought with some other dogs and ended up pretty wounded. But he recovered as quickly as he got those wounds. However, he stopped coming by, or even appearing on the hill in search for food. Dad said someone might have picked him up and housed him. I sure hope so because...I miss him and I hope he's got a better life somewhere out there.

When I started juggling work and college, the stress level inevitably rose with it. I found myself in my trainers and Pod, brisk walking the hill after work, whenever I was not too exhausted for it. The hill had this calming effect on my weary mind and physique and it never failed to put me back in the game when I thought I was about ousted from the race to a successful future. When I began to take notice of the extras spilling over under my outfits, the hill was my most convenient place for a quick work out- tummy crunches and whatever have you. I did not stay long enough in it to see results but it sure had a way at convincing myself that I did do something to burn away those unsightly bulges. As indisciplined as I was at keeping the routine, I tried.

Everything might sound absurd- sentiments for a hill? But this hill is not just any hill. It's something that carries so much memory as I grew. It's as if it grows with me and keeps a good track record of my years and everything in between. I miss being up on the hill in the wee hours of the morning. I miss sitting up on my garbage chute, eating ice-cream out of the tub and just watching the stars twinkle in the forefront of a moonlit sky.

There'll be more to come with this hill. For now, I'd just enjoy the night and make a silent promise that I will make an effort to rush back an evening, just to catch the sunset from the hill.

memory

2008-11-10T06:52:00.000-08:00

Ted sure reminds me of someone...

hello world, goodbye college

2008-11-06T08:58:00.001-08:00

The few of us had lunch together- Justina, Winnie, Jenhan, Jared, Michelle, and myself. Definitely one of those rare moments. In just a matter of months, those seated at that very lunch table will be out there, job hunting. It's crazy, coming to think of it. We spent 4 whole years slotting in college together as course mates, yet only now- when we're a couple of months away from graduating- do we take time to look back at all the days we've breezed through without realizing how much we're going to be missing them in the future, now.

I remember how we struggled with every assignment that came our way since diploma days. But now, when we look back at our submitted assignments, they kinda blow our minds like "DID I REALLY WRITE THAT?" because maaan, we sure sounded really intellectual in our writings. The amount of references we cited in each assignment kinda accounts for all that graduate qualities the school's been boasting of too!(: Hah.

Here's the link to my Desktop Design and Publishing's (DDP) weblog assignment, just for the fun of it.
http://jolenetansq.blogspot.com

I am going to miss college. One more submission and coll's out.): SIGH.